


Dear Doug

by MaddieandChimney



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Non Graphic, mentions of domestic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24258433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddieandChimney/pseuds/MaddieandChimney
Summary: Frank asks a pregnant Maddie to write a letter to Doug when her anxieties over her past start to worsen.
Relationships: Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6
Collections: Madney One-Shots





	Dear Doug

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TrueRomantic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueRomantic/gifts).



“When did you stop loving me?” Maddie glanced up at her boyfriend, before she took his silence as invitation to continue. With a deep breath, she looked back down at the piece of paper, her hands shaking. Chimney was by her side within seconds, his hand rubbing circles on her back in an attempt to encourage her to continue. 

“I guess the better question would be; did you ever love me? Because that’s not how love feels, whatever you felt for me and how I felt about you, it wasn’t love. I didn’t know it at the time but now I’ve felt it. I finally understand what true love is, how it feels to love and to be loved and I wish I had known it when I was nineteen. I wish I had known it wasn’t normal to have to tell you where I was at all times, I wish I had known it wasn’t okay to make you my entire world...”

With a sigh, she looked at Chimney - Frank had told her it would help to get everything out on paper. Since the pregnancy, old feelings had been dragged up, anxieties had returned, nightmares of memories she had thought she had put behind her were back in the forefront of her mind. Frank thought if she wrote a letter to Doug, maybe she could address some of those anxieties. 

Recovery wasn’t a straight road, she had to remember that. Doug has been her life for over thirteen years. She had let him go but it wasn’t as simple as she had hoped it would be. She wanted to learn acceptance, if that was at all possible. 

“Carry on.” Chimney whispered, his lips pressed to her hair. He had asked if he could hear the letter, hoping it would help them both. He’d never admit it aloud but seeing her struggle with the memory of what her deceased husband had done to her, hurt him in ways he couldn’t begin to describe. He would take her pain if he could, he’d erase the memories if he could. 

Maddie cleared her throat, “I’m not writing this for you though, I’m writing this for me. So I can see that whilst what I feel is valid, it’s not my life anymore. I hate that I let you win sometimes but I have to remember that my life is good. I finally have a man who loves me in a way I deserve, I finally feel safe and loved, protected and happy. All things I never truly felt with you, he is kind and generous, he’s going to be a wonderful father and one day, a husband I will spend the rest of my life loving. I wish I could say I’ll never think about you again, but it’s getting less every day.”

Finally, she frowned and looked at her boyfriend, only to smile when she saw the tears falling down his face. “I’m sorry, I thought you’d want to hear it, I don’t know if it’ll help. Frank seems to think it will..” She trailed off, “I guess I kind of accepted that he was dead and I let him go but I still haven’t let that part of me go, if that makes sense? I’m here and I’m happy and I’m in love with you and I can’t imagine ever being that person again but I was that person who hid in a locked bathroom, I was the person who wore long sleeves in the summer to cover the bruises and flinched away when anyone touched me... that was me. I can’t believe it was me.”

His hands moved to take the piece of paper and he nodded, “That was also the you who became a nurse because you wanted to help people, and the you who left even though you knew what could happen. I know you’re scared, Maddie, and the fact we’re having a daughter just made it all so real but I need you to talk to me. I know Frank is great, this letter... I hope it helps but I need you to talk to me, too. I need you to stop being ashamed of that person.” 

“I promise.” Maddie nodded her head and rested her head in the crook of his neck, her eyes falling to a close. This was love, she thought to herself. Being here with him, safe in his arms, this was how love was meant to feel.


End file.
